i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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