you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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