What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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