whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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