Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You've changed since you got that strap on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
