My liver just broke up with me...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
