yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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