I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There r osticjed everywhere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I smell like Dick and happiness
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize