my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
