remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
