i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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