you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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