Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
