well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
