I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize