Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize