I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
