How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
