How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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