the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
