I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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