if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize