sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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