They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
