Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sext me about skeletons
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
