end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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