Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
