U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
