Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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