I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
