all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
