I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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