You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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