Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize