my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
