so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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