is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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