I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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