You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
