he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
