..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
