Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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