is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
