why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
