So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
