I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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