pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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