DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
