You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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