you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
