I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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