I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
