I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
