guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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