I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize