Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
