I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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