I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize