i would punch a child for taco bell
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
