the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
