I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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