how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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