I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
