I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
