Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
