my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
