i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize