I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
