So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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