I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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