he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
