Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
