i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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