She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
