Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
