thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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