splinters make it hard to masturbate
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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