you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
