After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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