none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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