dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
