Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
