somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
