I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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