highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
