i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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