I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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